So You’ve Tried Everything

So You’ve Tried Everything



Losing Weight.  It’s a B, ain’t tit?

I have literally tried everything – we’re talking the gamut. We’re talking candida diet to full fat diet and everything in between. We’re talking T25 to half marathons: check.

I don’t want to bore you with the mundane details – nothing worked.  Until now.

I am going to unlock the secret secret that all the secret-keepers have been keeping locked away under their bony, little butts- deep beneath their protein shakes and avoid carb books. This is thrillingly earth-shattering and life changing and stupid all at the same time.



You and I spend all this time researching and watching videos and sniffing old cans of refried beans to find out that there is a catch. The proverbial circle of thought that all these ‘gurus’ spin.  They wanna make a buck and they don’t really want to reveal all their know-how.  (Some are forthcoming some are not. Not everyone can be put in a box.)

I am gonna spell it out for you. It is as simple as (mind you I’m not a doctor, so take this advice as you will.) BUT IT IS AS SIMPLE AS: calories in- calories out.


If you would like to lose weight here is a simple and very effective weigh to do it. Unless you have a specific diet plan or doctor’s orders or what not this plan works.


Firstly, find out how much you weigh and don’t obsess over it.  I do not like having a scale in my house, but I have one right now and it measures body fat and all that.

Secondly,  get on some sort of calorie counting application.  I like the fitness pal one.  It has  a lot of stored entries from other users.  Mind you not all of them are correct.  I double check my calorie info on what I ingest and make sure it is accurate when I input my food data for each meal.  Bear in mind, that everything counts, even two potato chips.  Chip calories matter.  Calories are just an estimate of energy in food.  Even science Effs up at times.  (A lot more than they let us know actually, but that is another block of cheese).

Thirdly, eat normally.  Eat like you would on any typical given day. Just make sure you record every last morsel, drop or dozen into the calorie collecting database.  Do this each day for three to five days.

Fourthly, go to a site like   Pick a semi-reliable BMR calculator and put in your current info. THE BMR number allows you to know how many calories you need to consume in order to live daily at the weight you are now.  Now, put into the BMR calculator the weight you would LIKE to be after losing weight.  Now refer back to those days logged for calorie intake on your food diary app thingy.  Analyze and let it soak in.

Fifthly, look to see how many calories you are actually eating.  If the current amount of calories you are consuming is close, higher or the same as the amount of calories the BMR calculator says you need to maintain your current weight then consider reducing your calorie intake.  That is if you wish to lose weight.  Do not go under 1200 calories per day. (If you need to go under 1200 calories a day, you probably have the wrong perception of yourself.)  If you choose to use the My Fitness Pal as your app du jour, under Home in the Goals section you can edit your daily calorie balance under Daily Nutrition Goals.  Change the calories to whatever number of calories you need to lose weight.  If shooting down calories in a bunch is making you anxious, just lower your calories by the hundreds.  For ejemplo: If one is overeating by 1000 calories a day and doesn’t want to jump that much that quick, just lower the daily calorie intake by 250 calories for seven days and then see if you’re ready to do more. Super TIP: Drink Water.  Most of us are semi-dehydrated.  Sometimes we think we’re hungry when in actuality, we are thirsty S-O-B’s. Or maybe it’s just me. If I get snacky, I drink some water and see how that goes.  If I need a snack, I eat a snack. boom.

Sixthly, yes, be ready to be shocked by how many calories are in some foods.  Now, make better choices.  Look for calories from real food. God’s foods. LOG ALL YOUR FOOD IN THE APP.  Don’t worry about working out and doing crossfit and going pazzo.  Maybe take a walk or do regular chores until you get to the weight that is in a “normal” (what they call normal, did the Japanese design these charts?) BMI range. When you achieve that GOAL weight, refer back to the BMR calculator and see what calorie number it gives you to maintain your new weight.  Then if you add more exercise, you’ll need more fuel.  Try this one   (I like it, but it doesn’t always work.)

Seventhly, carbohydrates are perfectly perfect.  You don’t have to eat eight small meals a day (unless your doc has you on some whipped up thing like that). You don’t need to eat tons of protein and you absolut vodka don’t want to starve yo’self weirdo.  This article  proves that it is CICO (psycho ha ha ha calories in/calories out and Haub’s no dummy



LASTLY, REMEMBER! Everything takes time. Keep in mind an estimated 3500 calories equals about a pound of weight.  Be patient.  We all want a quick fix.  It is a long term fix that is always the best.  Like plumbing, do we want a fly-by-night rookie putting a band- aid on our burst pipe or a long time plumber’s crack extraordinaire laying some shiny copper? Jesus Loves You!






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